I heard someone once say that it’s better to fall in love once and then have your heart broken. The second time you will value and treasure that love in a whole new way. I don’t think that is true for everyone. But I think for me it is.
I think I needed to fall in love, and I needed to be broken. There are lots of reasons why I needed this and I don’t know them all.
The next time I fall in love (if there is a next time) rather than not trust and take for granted. I want to treasure and be more aware of how fast things can change.
Positive reinforcement right?
Also. Praying together. More.
I wish I had something profound to say. Or even something funny or something that makes sense. Thank you for bearing with me in this stage of my mumbled jumbled thoughts. And please know. no matter how depressed I may sound on my blog, its only because I write late at night.
I cut my hair a while ago. I cut it all off. to a little above my shoulders. I used to have long long hair. Now I have short short hair. I can;t run my fingers through my hair anymore. I can’t braid it at all. I can hardly put it up in a pony tail. But its easy to wash dry and sleep on. Do I like it? Not really. I don’t hate it either. I don’t think my hair is my one beauty and you won’t find me crying over it. But it does somehow feel like a big part of me gone. And don’t get my wrong its not a bad thing. Its not a good thing. Its just, different. Its change. I don’t deal well with change I found out. When I was little change meant a new car, which means saying goodbye to the old car and all the memories that go with it. I remember when we got rid of our family’s red van climbing inside it and shutting the doors and just weeping. Change is the absence of a tree in the back yard. Change is the addition of a new girl who don’t get along with my best friend. Change means my perfect world gets confused and I my eyes have to get used to it. And the worst thing about change is how it changes people. And how it changes me. Or is that the best part? Change brought me to Minnesota, I loved Minnesota and all that it gave me and even all that it took from me. Its part of who I am now. Change took me away from Minnesota and brought me to Kentucky. And Kentucky is great in so many ways and hard in less. I change with change. I adapt. Or I try to at least. I give into change, but somehow I don’t really except it until my new reality becomes my old. I know I am just going of on a tangent now. The point it. I cut my hair. And that was a big change for me. And as much as I am most likely going to grow my hair out again…it felt good to cut it off. And for some reason I thought you all needed to know that in the longest most random way.
Thanks for reading. This has been “random nothings” (with I am sure lots of spelling errors, and poor grammar as always, (but I am going to blame that on the fact that its late and my eyes are shutting on me as they do most nights when I blog)) with Graycie
I have been thinking about how up and down and silly I am. Back and forth. Who knew I was such a girl?! I mean. All growing up I was like “Why do girls have to act like that! When I am in that kind of situation I will act perfect.” Nope. Nope. Wrong. I will never say sorry for the last time. I need to get control over my feelings gosh darn it! I am up and down like a yo-yo (hence the miss. yo-yo thing…). I say I am fine then I am crying then I am fine then I am fine and I am mostly fine and then I am fine then I am perfectly fine then I am crying. Again. Gosh. You can just laugh at this post because I am laughing as I write it. I am such a silly girl! I will be all like “Wow, I think this time I really am good to go! God is good! Bring on life!” ……later that night I am writing some dramatic blog post/journal entry with tears streaming down my face. What does this mean I wonder? Does this mean at the root of it I am not growing at all? Or does it mean I am ridiculously faithful to what I have declared that I feel? Did that make sense? Am I just…awkward. I feel like I am often telling myself “Hey someday if you have a daughter you will be able to tell her what not to do” Am I being mean and a drama queen? I am over thinking this. *Laughing* Whatever. There is always grace in the morning and friends who are ready to forgive my silly little heart. Thank you friends for being faithful to love me despite my…drama. And my over dramatic blog posts that show up from time to time. 😉