Learning How to Die

 

I’m gonna miss you
I’m gonna miss you
When you’re gone
She says, I love you
I’m gonna miss you
And your songs

And I said, please
Don’t talk about the end
Don’t talk about how
Every living thing goes away
She said, friend

All along I thought
I was learning how to take
How to bend not how to break
How to live not how to cry
But really
I’ve been learning how to die
I’ve been learning how to die

Hey everyone
I’ve got nowhere to go
The grave is lazing me
He takes our body slow

And I said, please
Don’t talk about the end
Don’t talk about how
Every living thing goes away
I said, friend,
All along I thought
I was learning how to take

How to bend not how to break
How to live not how to cry
But really
I’ve been learning how to die
I’ve been learning how to die
Die, die
I’ve been learning how to die
I’ve been learning how to die

My Hannah Girl

Empty spot at the foot of my bed.

 

Scraps of meat thrown in the trash.

 

Two tin bowls put up on the shelf.

 

No barking when there is knock on the door.

 

No using my phone at night when it is dark at night to make sure I don’t step on a tail.

 

A patch of yard covered in dirt rather than grass.

 

A collar sitting on the table.

 

Hannah was the best dog I could have ever asked for. There is way too much to say about her. I will miss her so much. A little bit of my heart was cut when I pet her in the car on the way to the vet. When I held her down as they put her to sleep. When I sang the song Josiah and I used to sing to her when we were little. When I helped dig the hole. When I picked up her body and kissed her head. When I looked at the photos of us when we were little. She was the first living thing I loved to die. This may be dramatic. But you know. Its a big deal to me. I have been trying not to cry for three days. I mean I have been crying. But when I haven’t its not because there were no tears. I love you Hannah Girl. And I don’t care what anyone says. I want to believe that I will see you in heaven. So I do.

Corrie Ten Boom

“Worrying is carrying tomorrow’s load with today’s strength- carrying two days at once. It is moving into tomorrow ahead of time. Worrying doesn’t empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.”

“Dear Jesus…how foolish of me to have called for human help when You are here.” 

“There are no ‘if’s’ in God’s world. And no placess that are safer than other places. The center of His will is our only safety – let us pray that we may always know it!” 

“Some knowledge is too heavy…you cannot bear it…your Father will carry it until you are able.” 

“Happiness isn’t something that depends on our surroundings…It’s something we make inside ourselves.” 

“What wings are to a bird, and sails to a ship, so is prayer to the soul.” 

“Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.” 

“If you look at the world, you’ll be distressed. If you look within, you’ll be depressed. If you look at God you’ll be at rest.” 

“Hold everything in your hands lightly, otherwise it hurts when God pries your fingers open.” 

“Do you know what hurts so very much? It’s love. Love is the strongest force in the world, and when it is blocked that means pain. There are two things we can do when this happens. We can kill that love so that it stops hurting. But then of course part of us dies, too. Or we can ask God to open up another route for that love to travel.”

C.S. Lewis

“You don’t have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body.” 

“To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.” “Nothing you have not given away will ever really be yours.” “I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.” 


“When we lose one blessing, another is often most unexpectedly given in its place.” “A proud man is always looking down on things and people; and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you.” “But courage, child: we are all between the paws of the true Aslan.” “I think that if God forgives us we must forgive ourselves. Otherwise, it is almost like setting up ourselves as a higher tribunal than Him.”

“If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.” “There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.” “God can’t give us peace and happiness apart from Himself because there is no such thing.” 

Beauty

I hear the leaves blowing in the trees. Beautiful. I see the sun shining in the sky. Beautiful. Hand written letters, watercolored skies, scars, smiles that wrinkle the face, muddy feet, callused hands, the voices of the people I love. Beautiful.

Thinking about beauty and what it means has been the destination of my mind’s wandering on this beautiful fall day. I want to be beautiful. What woman doesn’t? But what does this mean? Does it mean my hair always looks nice, that my socks always match, that my makeup is done well, and my earrings match my necklace? If that is what beauty means then I am doomed. It must mean more than that. I want to be beautiful, as I said above. But I want to be beautiful in the depths of my soul. Reason: So I can point to Christ better. I am learning about what this means and thinking about this actively. So from now on I am going to be posting about some different beautiful traits I am going to work on, and then following up on how I am doing. This will take me years.

1. The beautiful trait of listening.

math

This is just a fast post to beg beg beg you all to pray for me. I have a PSEO Math test on Tuesday and I am scared to death of failing. Thats all.