Lecrae

“I’m disappointed looking for anything but the divine
Save me from what I’m feelin’ inside, it’s like a crime
How I end up in the same place every single time

check me in”

Thanks Latty for sharing.

Updateish on life and its blahgumblahness.

So yesterday was my last day of work. I am done working at Papa Murphys now. It was a bad last day. Well it was good-I mean we had really good customer service, we were talking up a storm with those customers and they were laughing and it was over all very good in that way. But close was bad. We didn’t clean as well as we should have because we were a bit behind because we had customers in the store until 10 after close. Then I messed up on my check out of my drawer. Then I realised that forgot my key to lock up-so my manager had to come bring me a new key. So it was not so good-but hey-I am done. So that is all I have to say about that. 

I am going to Ireland in 13 days. I plan on writing really short posts while I am there and keeping all you readers *laugh* slightly updated. Plus I kind of use this is a journal sometimes. So at some point maybe I will write about this trip to Ireland before I go so you know whats up. 

Also my grad party is in two days. I am very narcissistic. All these photos of myself everywhere and things that I have done and all this blahgablah. Its stoopid-but at the same time kind of fun to look at all these old photos. At my party we are having a pinata full of my favorite candy and a dress up box for the kids (and me) and lots of cake-lemon poppyseed of course-and salads and fresh made lemonade and a fire and I hope it doesn’t rain. 

Yay party.

Facebook

Well I am rid of Facebook. It’s a hard thing to get rid of-but I changed my password to something that takes me forever to type out and by the time I type it I think I will have talked myself out of it. I would have deactivated my account but I need it for messaging which all comes to my phone. So I have some reasons why I got rid of Facebook for the summer.

1. It sucks time away from me not only while I am online but also while I am doing things. You know how this goes. You are running in the rain and as you are splashing and having fun and something like this pops in your head “When I get home my Facebook status is going to be: Ho hum! Will I ever grow up and stop playing in the rain? I doubt it. <3.” Or how about this thought “Gee this is so fun I am going to post a photo of me doing this on Facebook!” *post* ten minutes later while still at whatever event it was that you took the photo at “I wonder if anyone has liked or commented on that photo.” Can I just stop thinking about Facebook for five minutes?!

2. So Facebook is just an easy way to show off, brag, compare yourself, be narcissistic, look down on people and judge them, or idolize people based on what their stupid wall looks like! How many people comment on your post, how many people post on your wall, how many friends you have, how many likes you have, how many people are screaming  “You are so beautiful!! ❤ Yoooooou!” all over your profile photo. It’s just stupid.

3. I would rather have real life friends.

4. I don’t need people to affirm me online (or in person) but Facebook is an easy affirming tool. I don’t want that-I don’t need that.

5. I am going to Ireland and 14 days anyway sooo….:D

Thats kind of it…

Risky stuff

Thinking. Thats what I have been doing today. I know its a risky thing. Thinking. I feel like I have gotten myself in trouble, and my thinking is gonna cost me. I have been thinking about school. As I put photos on my photo board for graduation I cant help but hope that the next 18 years is as full of learning as the last 18 has been. I mean. Of course it will be. All of life is learning. But haven’t I learned all of the basics by now? I mean-I can talk, walk, run, sing, read, add 2 and 2, write basic words, I know what way is up, and I can find north 5 out of 10 times. But that was really hard to learn at the time that I was learning it, because it was new. I want to keep finding new things to learn-or old things to improve. Part of me wants to take a creative writing course-writing is something that I have never concentrated on or cared about-but  lately I have found myself running to the key board-google docs is wonderful. Today I am dressed in a  black turtle neck long sleeved dress with tights and 3 inch heels-I went to this cute upscale place in Edina and looked at all the shops and the art every where. I have never thought of myself as a visual artist. I mean. I am an artist-theater being my focus. But visual artistness is something I always shy away from because I feel incompetent. But I love it. I love to draw and water color and rub mud on my face and paint my walls and pin things on those walls just so and make things-even pizzas-look beautiful. So doesn’t that make me a visual artist kind of? I mean I don’t call myself very gifted in any of it-but isn’t the love and the desire enough to keep me doing it?

So this brings me to next year. And by next year I mean the fall. I kind of want to go to school maybe sort of. Not to have a degree or to read books-but to learn how to do things that are practical. And in my world pottery is practical. I want to take dancing and piano. I want to learn how to decorate a cake. I want to use acrylic paint all the time. I want to learn how to cook for real. I want to learn how to decorate a house, make my own dishes, draw anything anywhere, and I want to learn how to do it all well.

So here I am being yelled at to clean the kitchen and not even doing that well. I should leave this post. There are some raw thoughts. School next year? Maybe. If not in the fall-the spring.

Samwise. Note the wise

Lord of the rings-Two Towers-Movie. A Nazgûl is flying over head. Frodo is hiding with Sam and all at once he gets up and walks towards the wraith. Sam looks at him and asks “Frodo where are you going?” Frodo keeps walking. He can’t hear Sam. He grabs on to the one ring from around his neck and stars to put it on is finger. He can’t focus because of what the ring is saying to him. Sam jumps up and runs to Frodo knocking him to the ground. Frodo grabs sting and points it at Sams neck yelling and ready to kill his dearest friend. Sam cries out “Its me! Its your Sam!” Frodo doesn’t respond. Sam says almost silently “Don’t you know your Sam?”

Frodo drops the sword and falls backwards. “I can’t do this anymore” 

Sam looks at Frodo for a moment. “I know. It’s all wrong.” He starts “By rights we shouldn’t even be here. But we are. It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo; the ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end… because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was, when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines, it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you, that meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn’t. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.”

Frodo whispers “What are we holding on to, Sam?” 

“That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo. And it’s worth fighting for.”

Where did the wind start?

Where did the wind start? She had to start somewhere. I feel her run around my head, blowing my long hair into a great playful dance. Where is she going? Why is she running? It’s like the wind is alive. She plays tag with the fallen leaves in September. She cools children in the heat of July. She sings softly to us as we fall asleep in late May, and on dark and stormy nights she moans for mankind. We sail on the wind in flying contraptions. We send angry, secret, or sorrowful words into the wind to be forgotten. The wind is always blowing always becoming stronger before she becomes softer. She carries smells that remind us of the past. The smell of campfire. The smell of Mama’s favorite lotion. When did she start? Maybe at the start of time God blew into the trees and that breath never stopped moving. The wind is one of the most beautiful things in this fallen world-and we can’t even see her.