And I am always looking for it. But maybe right now I need to just sit here and not be part of that adventure.
Hey, after the last two posts, why not? You all know its now stuck in your head. 🙂 I mean, it is pretty much one of the best songs ever written…
I have been thinking about how up and down and silly I am. Back and forth. Who knew I was such a girl?! I mean. All growing up I was like “Why do girls have to act like that! When I am in that kind of situation I will act perfect.” Nope. Nope. Wrong. I will never say sorry for the last time. I need to get control over my feelings gosh darn it! I am up and down like a yo-yo (hence the miss. yo-yo thing…). I say I am fine then I am crying then I am fine then I am fine and I am mostly fine and then I am fine then I am perfectly fine then I am crying. Again. Gosh. You can just laugh at this post because I am laughing as I write it. I am such a silly girl! I will be all like “Wow, I think this time I really am good to go! God is good! Bring on life!” ……later that night I am writing some dramatic blog post/journal entry with tears streaming down my face. What does this mean I wonder? Does this mean at the root of it I am not growing at all? Or does it mean I am ridiculously faithful to what I have declared that I feel? Did that make sense? Am I just…awkward. I feel like I am often telling myself “Hey someday if you have a daughter you will be able to tell her what not to do” Am I being mean and a drama queen? I am over thinking this. *Laughing* Whatever. There is always grace in the morning and friends who are ready to forgive my silly little heart. Thank you friends for being faithful to love me despite my…drama. And my over dramatic blog posts that show up from time to time. 😉
Today we drove down to a friend’s house. She showed us how to make water kefir taste like grape soda (amazing). She also gave us our very own scoby.
Her 4 year old son looked up at me (or rather over at me because I was sitting on the floor) and we had a rather funny conversation.
4-year-old: Do you like….do you like Koooombucha?
Me: Yes I do. 🙂
4-year old: No you don’t. You need a scoby for that. You need to make put in a scoby for koooombucha.
Me: Oh! Well can you tell me how I can learn to make kombucha?
4-year-old: Yes. You have to find one of a jelly fish. They live in either ponds or sometimes in kooooombucha. I fink. I fink they live in both. And you just pu them in your. in your. in your water jar and then you have kooooombucha and it makes you feel really healthy and its. its. I fink its good for you. And its called a scoby. I like to drink them sometimes. I ask my mommy for them but I havent asked her for a long time. Like I fink it was like resterday.
So that was our conversation. He is such a cutie.
I then came home and said “I can’t believe he knew what a scoby was! I don’t even think Siah (no offense bro) knows what a scoby is!” to which Siah replied “Grace, I don’t find my refuge in knowing what a scoby is”
I am super excited for our Kombucha to be ready. I love me some kombucha.
The light blue sky was moving upwards and the dark night was being pushed into space by the sunlight. Before the night could vanish completely a silver ball of light fell from the night into the morning where it retired forever. How long has that star hung in the sky? Longer than any human alive on this earth has lived. How many people were there to watch it shine one last night? Who knows. But I was there, I saw it. I may or may not have yelled out in the early morning “Look!! It’s a shooting star! Did anyone else see that! That was amazing!!” I was told to be quiet and settle down, I would wake the sleepers.
I thought about the last night I spent in Ireland. It was very special and maybe one of my favorite memories. That night the blanket that was the sky was especially full of holes, light was peering through each tiny hole, and the light doubled in the reflection of the sea. I was above the sea that night, I could see both the sky and its mirror. I saw a star fall that night.
I thought about a time I sat on a car in the driveway of my favorite home, I sat there with my dear friend Rose and we gazed at the stars. We talked and talked and got colder and colder, then a star fell. We both saw it.
I thought about the time another dear friend Beth and I climbed over a chain link fence late at night on Saint Patricks day-last year. We sat shivering with Susan and talked about Paul and EJ. We saw a shooting star.
I still wish on stars. I always make the same wish. So I take it back, I do have a secret, my wish.
Goodness. My mom and I just finished watching Sense and Sensibility. Not the one with Emma Thompson (which is a great movie) but the one by Masterpiece and BBC in 2008. There is no other movie that I could watch over and over and still somehow never know whats coming. I always get teary eyed. I sigh with each look Edward gives Elinor. I grip my mug of tea when Lucy is being…well…Lucy. And at the end, when all turns out right and the beautiful music starts playing a feeling comes over me that doesn’t in any other movie. I think I would say that it is my all time steady. I will always love happy endings. If you have not yet seen the 2008 Sense and Sensibility it is well worth your time. Watch it! (Just skip the first 40 seconds.)
This time watching I was really struck with Elinor’s character. Her composure throughout the entire story. I have always been Marianne, but want to be more like Elinor. I want to be calm, patient, composed, and selfless, but yet lack no true feeling. She bottles it, saving it, preserving it for when it is ready to be made good. Saving it. Waiting. With no expectation of the outcome she would choose.
Who knows what my happy ending will be? God does. So I will wait, not expect the outcome or try and skip to the end to see what happens. I will wait and trust that the one who wrote my story is an even better writer than Jane Austen.