I just found this blog post from the Spring.
my head hurts. its throbbing. my hair needs washing. its 7:20. jake picks me up at 7:45. clean hair or food? food.
we are 15 minutes late for internship. I wonder if my hair is noticeably dirty.
those doughnuts sure look good, but I am avoiding gluten.
my back is starting to hurt again. my arm has now gone numb.
chiropractor is saying it will take time and treatment. which means money. but I will get better.
its 12 and I am at work now. this he doesn’t want to eat his yams. that she doesn’t want to lay on her rest mat. she wants to be in the baby room. he doesn’t. eating paper. throwing it up. diaper rash. wet pants. this he found my lip balm, and he ate it. this she won’t drink her mama milk. that she wants to ride on my back all day. this she wants me to sing the same song over and over. he will not take a nap. in the moment without someone screaming it seems like there must be something wrong.
my coworker and I are talking. I talk about God being the perfect artist. I stop there.
one kid left. his parents are late. its quarter after six. I am hungry.
I drive home. my car sputters. gas. I forgot to refill on the way to work. I put put put my way down the hill. please just make it. please God just let me get to the gas station. I fill her up.
that wasn’t the issue.
I pull over. open the hood like I know whats what. I don’t. I check the oil. not that. so I put put put my way back up the hill and home it doesn’t cost to much to fix.
no on is home. the door is locked. I go around back and the dogs next door go wild. i try to jump the fence. its too tall. I try to open the gate. it won’t budge. I tear two panels out from the fence. and I crawl through.
I am sitting down. and I am not planning on moving.
What is my destiny?