13 Birthday thoughts before bed

1.Its my last year being a teen.
2.19 isn’t that old.
3. When I was little (Or 16) I thought I would be married by now, or at least engaged, or at least have a boy friend. Silly me

4. Its amazing how fast friendships grow

5. I wonder what I will be doing on my next birthday. I really have no idea where I will be or who I will be with. Its crazy to think about.

6. I love all my gifts

7. I am so glad I didn’t have to work

8. “This time last year…” Didn’t come up as much as it could have and for that I am thankful.

9. Its nice to cry on your birthday

10. I am glad my room is clean

11. I am really bad at bowling

12. Tomorrow is bingo night at the McDonalds by the look out and the grave yard. I won’t be going.

13. I love dancing 

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Hmmm…

So, I like to challenge myself in art. Once a friend once told me that all my art kind of tends to be the same. Since then I have tried and tried to branch out and do different things. So. I challenged myself to do a dark watercolor. Dark in theme. You can think what you want about it. Its a girl. She is either sleeping or dead…and yes those are pigeons eating at her…but hey! Don’t worry! I don’t even like painting dark things. This was really hard for me to do…I finished all of it except for the blood and was like….do I really want to do this….? But I made myself do it and its done and now I can keep painting flowers and ships and butterflies…So…Look at it and tell me what you think ok? I have a deep meaning behind it. Lets see if anyone else does?

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I don’t want this

Well. Its 12:15. On the dot. So I guess I have been 19 for a little while now. Almost 16 minutes in fact. Op. 16 now. In that time I have already thought a lot. I am 19. I am not 18. I have been 18 for so long. 16 minutes more than a year. No. thats not true. Because I am not 18…I am 19. This isn’t how I thought my birthday would be. My 19th birthday. 19. Almost 20. 17 minutes short of a year and I will be 20. I am so young and I feel so young. So why do I keep getting older. I just want to fly to never land and stop getting older. It was easy to turn 18 I think…I don’t remember. But life felt like it held such adventure. I had so much ahead of me. And now…I still do…I just don’t know what it is this time. It seemed a lot clearer last year I think…but maybe it only does looking back. This time last year I turned 18. And that was really good. You know what else is really good? Turning 19. No its not though. I don’t want to grow up. I want to be little forever. I am not little anymore. But I want to be. So I think that I am. little that is. But I am not. What am I talking about. Maybe I should go to sleep and stop being an early morning birthday girl. Go to bed. Your birthday will be better in the morning. I promise. You will really be 19 and therefor more wise and therefor you will understand all the things you wish you did now. So this 19 year old is going to go to bed. And dream of all the new adventures to be had. And stop dreaming about the ones past. Yes. Thats the goal.