I don’t want this

Well. Its 12:15. On the dot. So I guess I have been 19 for a little while now. Almost 16 minutes in fact. Op. 16 now. In that time I have already thought a lot. I am 19. I am not 18. I have been 18 for so long. 16 minutes more than a year. No. thats not true. Because I am not 18…I am 19. This isn’t how I thought my birthday would be. My 19th birthday. 19. Almost 20. 17 minutes short of a year and I will be 20. I am so young and I feel so young. So why do I keep getting older. I just want to fly to never land and stop getting older. It was easy to turn 18 I think…I don’t remember. But life felt like it held such adventure. I had so much ahead of me. And now…I still do…I just don’t know what it is this time. It seemed a lot clearer last year I think…but maybe it only does looking back. This time last year I turned 18. And that was really good. You know what else is really good? Turning 19. No its not though. I don’t want to grow up. I want to be little forever. I am not little anymore. But I want to be. So I think that I am. little that is. But I am not. What am I talking about. Maybe I should go to sleep and stop being an early morning birthday girl. Go to bed. Your birthday will be better in the morning. I promise. You will really be 19 and therefor more wise and therefor you will understand all the things you wish you did now. So this 19 year old is going to go to bed. And dream of all the new adventures to be had. And stop dreaming about the ones past. Yes. Thats the goal.

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