I am afraid. I am 19 years old and I am terrified. I am afraid that all my dreaming will come to nothing. I am afraid that I will not find love. I am afraid that I will find out that my dreams mean nothing. I fear being alone. I fear the time that passes. I fear that one day I will wake up, look at the celling, and be unable to find a reason to get out of bed.
Does God really love me? I have this idea that God is not going to bless me unless I figure it out. I have this idea that it is up to me to get my life under control and make a plan. I need to impress Him. I need to earn His love. It arrogance that I even think I could with out Jesus.
He makes the plan, all I need to do is (by grace) be faithful to what I hear him calling me to. He makes the plan, all I need to do is (by grace) wait for him to reveal it. He makes the plan, all I need to do is pray that he will give me more grace to do the above. Lord keep my eyes on Jesus.
God is sovereign-which means he has a plan. He is in control. Everything that I am going through really is the best thing I could be going through. He sees. He knows.
But here is the more amazing part.
God. Loves. Me.
And he says it. He says it. He says it in the Bible!
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.
2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.
3 For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
I give Egypt as your ransom,
Cush and Seba in exchange for you.
4 Because you are precious in my eyes,
and honored, and I love you….” Isaiah 43:1-4a
When I read this I just started crying. God loves me. He really does. He calls me precious. And He loves me. He has a plan for me. And He loves me. He is sovereign. And He loves me. He is good. And He loves me. He is faithful. And He loves me. He will be with me. This is flipping amazing.
“You are mine” He says. “And I love you”
“Hope came home,
Home to me today,
And fear has run the other way.
And words are weak;
They don’t know how to say,
“You know I still believe in You.”
And should my dreams fall through,
I will be safe with You.
So with every breath I can breath,
I’ll sing about how You love me.”