I woke up smelling the smell of fresh spring air. I looked outside and the sky was one grey cloud. The birds where singing their hearts out, they all sound like they are in love. I put on an old green dress that I have had since the day of the mud fight at YEAH. I bought it at Plato’s Closet for $12 with the express purpose of wearing it to swing dancing. I remember everything. Why focus on the negative, I didn’t then. I didn’t see the negative until I decided that that was ignorance. When I have look back I have seen only cold air and frozen ground. But the spring changes things. When I look back I see a warm sun filled sky and soft ground turning to mud that will soon be swishing around in the washing machine with my clothes. What a life I have had. Splashing and jumping in creeks, not really caring what anyone thought. Well, there you go. Its was good. But I am not looking back. I am looking forward to 4 minutes from now, tea in my hand. 30 minutes from now, running on the trail along the creek in Anchorage. I might not be able to jump in today. 4 this afternoon, I will be working and chatting with strangers about the game last night. Tomorrow, who knows? I might not even be in Kentucky tomorrow. Tomorrow will worry about itself. The past is the past. And yes, who I have been makes who I am, but that 16 year old girl running through the yard is more alive today than ever. All to dust. I don’t forget, and nothing is wasted. But some things are gone. For now. I don’t have my dress up box or Bethie running with me today.
The spring air messes with me.
On a side note: THERE ARE NO LILACS HERE! None. My favorite part of the spring isn’t here in Kentucky. I wonder if its warm enough for them in Minnesota. We do have daffodils here and they are my second favorite. But they aren’t my favorite. I know my favorites, and moving the Kentucky doesn’t change them as much as I wish I could love the daffodils and be perfectly content, there is just something about lilacs, and I can’t get the scent of them out of my head. I miss those beautiful flowers. Sent me some from MN kay? Lilacs were my flower last spring, they mean the first emotions of innocent love. This years my flowers are daffodils, they mean forgiveness and new beginnings.