last night I was up late. I had a hard time sleeping and so I took a bath. That really didn’t help at all. So I went down stairs and got on facebook and chatted up Beth on facebook. I ranted and raved about somethings for a while and got it all out. I knew at the time I was typing everything that most of it wasn’t true. I was just saying it. I if thought about any of what I was saying I would figure out that it was all silly. If I re read it I might laugh. But I doubt that I would. I would probably cry. These things I believe as truth in my worst times and dont even regard in my best times. But they are always hanging around my heart just waiting for a good time to break in. When I am lonely mostly. That seems to be when everything starts to fall on top of me. But nothing is really falling. Its just. Its as if I remembering what it feels like to believe these things all the time for a short time. I keep contradicting myself. Awkward.
I feel like I am ok. I feel happy. Very happy. But then sometimes…sometimes I don’t. But the times that I don’t don’t feel real. They feel like dreams. Like I am recalling that I should feel sad. So I do. I feel sad. I feel awful. But it doesn’t last.
So dear people of the world. I really have nothing to say. I just needed to say something. In hopes that you might read it and care a little. Not because I need you to care. But because I like it when you do. Even when what I am saying really doesn’t add up….