Trust, and scars, and open fists.

In this life what is there to trust? Not much. Your parents let you down. Siblings, friends (even best friends), co-workers, bosses, even pastors. How can you trust a person after what they did to you? After what they said how can you ever laugh with them again? After all the times they didn’t respond how can you let yourself respond. How can you let them back into your heart, how can you let them back into you life. I know one thing and that is that frankly, I can’t. I am done healing, I am done being hurt inside. I am done feeling condemnation from people. 

And that is not to say that I people cant point out things in my life that need mending. I want to be humble when that happens and I know it will happen because boy do I have a lot to learn. And somewhere in my heart God is giving me grace to desire to learn-even if the lesson comes from someones anger, or from my deep hurt.

But as always I am getting lost in the key board. What I was saying is, I am done trying to heal myself, and I am done trying to trust again. Even my best attempts, were shabby. I cant heal myself. I can’t even give up my burdens to God. I am not strong enough. I tried to be. 

I need God to just take them from me. So with open fists I am asking him to remove the scars that have become to much my identity. My identity isn’t found in my hurt. Its found in Christ. I don’t need these burdens. But just like Christian in Pilgrims Progress I can’t let get them off, even though I know what they are. All I can do is stand at the foot of the cross and weep and just like that they are gone and I am dressed in new clothes with a book in my hand and a free pass into glory paid from by the son of God. 

So again I am side tracked. I can’t trust anyone. But I can trust God. He is in control of you and me and everyone else in this world. I am pretty sure that as long as He is in and is leading me to it I can trust again. And I can trust with out fear of being hurt. Every struggle I come across is just along a path to the Celestial City and will only keep teaching me how good my father in heaven is. 

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