Thinking. Thats what I have been doing today. I know its a risky thing. Thinking. I feel like I have gotten myself in trouble, and my thinking is gonna cost me. I have been thinking about school. As I put photos on my photo board for graduation I cant help but hope that the next 18 years is as full of learning as the last 18 has been. I mean. Of course it will be. All of life is learning. But haven’t I learned all of the basics by now? I mean-I can talk, walk, run, sing, read, add 2 and 2, write basic words, I know what way is up, and I can find north 5 out of 10 times. But that was really hard to learn at the time that I was learning it, because it was new. I want to keep finding new things to learn-or old things to improve. Part of me wants to take a creative writing course-writing is something that I have never concentrated on or cared about-but lately I have found myself running to the key board-google docs is wonderful. Today I am dressed in a black turtle neck long sleeved dress with tights and 3 inch heels-I went to this cute upscale place in Edina and looked at all the shops and the art every where. I have never thought of myself as a visual artist. I mean. I am an artist-theater being my focus. But visual artistness is something I always shy away from because I feel incompetent. But I love it. I love to draw and water color and rub mud on my face and paint my walls and pin things on those walls just so and make things-even pizzas-look beautiful. So doesn’t that make me a visual artist kind of? I mean I don’t call myself very gifted in any of it-but isn’t the love and the desire enough to keep me doing it?
So this brings me to next year. And by next year I mean the fall. I kind of want to go to school maybe sort of. Not to have a degree or to read books-but to learn how to do things that are practical. And in my world pottery is practical. I want to take dancing and piano. I want to learn how to decorate a cake. I want to use acrylic paint all the time. I want to learn how to cook for real. I want to learn how to decorate a house, make my own dishes, draw anything anywhere, and I want to learn how to do it all well.
So here I am being yelled at to clean the kitchen and not even doing that well. I should leave this post. There are some raw thoughts. School next year? Maybe. If not in the fall-the spring.